


If he eats the pasta... will he fly fasta?

by fallingforbees



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Descent into Madness, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Italian Tony Stark, It’s just pure sleep deprived crack, Maria Stark's Good Parenting, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Tony Stark Coparenting Peter Parker, Mentioned May Parker (Spider-Man), Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Misses Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Quarantine madness, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark is a Good Dad, no starker, peter parker probably needs mental help, the stark family pasta maker, they start watching cm, tony is a chef, why? No one knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:48:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28437900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingforbees/pseuds/fallingforbees
Summary: When Tony invited the Parkers to quarantine with him he didnt expect to have a new obsession, admit that he’s a father and be dubbed the “pasta king” all within a month. Somehow, it all just seems normal to TonyORWhen Peter joins Tony to quarantine at the tower he introduces Tony to a new tv show which leads to some confessions. Somehow, it all seems normal in the household. Why would you leave the two together under any circumstance?
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker & Tony Stark, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 99





	If he eats the pasta... will he fly fasta?

Peter and Tony were both dealing with quarantine a little differently... 

Tony had been surprisingly productive... for the first month at least. He made plenty of updates on all of his suits because “I’m a man rattling in a tin can, why can’t i have padding?” And “the kid runs into burning buildings. Did you hear that pep? Burning. Buildings. What the hell am I suppose to do? Give him a watering can to carry around?” That’s how Peter lead to having a whole new suit with an integrated cooling system and a mask filtration system that was both useful during the pandemic and fires. Nice one Tony, condoning the kid to go out during a pandemic. You see, Tony found the first month of the pandemic the only useful one for him, yes he created masks that could help medical workers stay even safer. Yes he allowed it so his kid could do his friendly neighbourhood spider-kid job. But after that. He was utterly useless. He was isolating alone with two bots, Friday and his daily FaceTime calls with Peter. What in heavens could go wrong?

Friday was as calm as ever, often being Tony’s point of reason now that he and Pepper split. They of course still had contact, she’s one of his few friends and business is just a finicky thing. During the first month, friday would have to often give many a reminder to her boss that sleep IS in fact necessary and that coffee can’t actually sustain a person, they do in fact need some food. She would often send little videos to Peter as per the ‘future blackmail’ protocol. Which in essence allows friday to send Peter any video/photo that has Tony somehow embarrassing himself (with all privacy reasoning in place). That meant Peter would often wake up to a new video of Tony having an argument with dum-e or just himself in general; which in turn would lead to the ‘old men need sleep’ protocol. That one allowed Tony to be locked out of the lab and for Peter to change the passcode so that said ‘old man’ can get his sleep. Tony did not find it amusing but with everything he accepted it, after seeing how happy it made Peter see Tony taking care of himself. Even with a little bit of outside input. 

There was a minor situation after that. With May being a nurse during the pandemic Peter was at a greater risk of catching the virus than some others. May was also pulling 12 hour shifts plus overtime most days, which left Peter in an empty apartment by himself with online school and no one around to keep him company. Even with the daily calls that he and Tony had he was still alone for the majority of the day. With Spider-Man still helping Queens no matter what Tony was just worried for Peter, when wouldn’t Tony be worried about his spider-kid? Tony and May already had shared guardianship over Peter anyways and with a month clearly being too long for the two boys to go without some lab time and general time together. Tonys idea probably should have been implemented from the start but with the apartment in Queens being closer to the hospital where May works it was easier to have Peter and May there. Peter was fine with it at first, then he realised how often he was alone. It didn’t go down well, so Tony’s solution was introduced to Peter on a regular Wednesday when May worked the night shift. A lull had fallen in the conversation really so Tony thought it was true best time to bring it up. “Hey Pete,” he had said with some energy in his voice, “i have a surprise for you.” With a sly smile slowly forming on his face. 

“Mmhmm” was all that the man could get out of him.

“Kid seriously, take a break, trig can in fact wait 5 mins” at that Peters head rose and he saw the other mans smile. 

“What’s happened?” He was mentally tabulating everything friday had sent him, there was nothing ‘sly smile’ worthy. 

“See, with May working many strange hours and you rarely seeing her. I know you don’t do well being alone for a long while...” that last part caused Peter to smile, of course he knew Tony payed attention but he didn’t realise he payed that much attention, “...along with that you must miss me tonnes. How have we gone this long without seeing each other? I’m not surprised I haven’t kidnapped you by now..” Tony had noticed Peters smile and he wished that he were with him so he could ruffle his hair or hug him. 

“Toonyyyyy, what are you getting at?” 

“Hush hush young spider, the adult is speaking” it was said with the gentlest smile, anyone who didnt know Tony personally would be just shocked that The Tony Stark could be like this. Even those who knew him were still shocked sometimes. “So me and May have been talking, never a good idea I know, but we have come up with a little plan. This is only If you’re okay with it though and you don’t have to agree to anything you don’t want. Okay?” He waited too see Peter slowly nod before he carried on. “So.. how do you feel about living here with me for the duration of the pandemic?” 

Peter went dead still. He was waiting for a video to cut in with a banner that says you’ve been pranked. Or even Rhodey popping up, which makes no sense because he has to be with the army or his family....

“Pete? Did you hear me?” Tony was asking hesitantly, he really wasn’t sure what was happening right now. May had said it was a good idea...

“Mmhmm, y-yeah i heard you.. are you serious?” 

Tony really couldn’t help but smile at this, “ of course I’m serious bambi, you know your always welcome here, plus it means you wont always be alone. If you want to do it May will come too. Fri will constantly be checking for symptoms so if anything happens it can be caught early on.” The Italian just slipping of the tongue like it had always been there, neither of them really noticed it. Friday did, she already had it prepared to send to Peter, not under malice, more under an understanding she has. She knows it’ll make Peter smile when he learns what the endearment means. He’ll learn the significance of the word. Considering Boss hasn’t spoken Italian since his mother died. 

“Then, yes. Oh my god i would love it so much... are you sure you’re okay with it?” 

“Kid, would i ask if I wasn’t? You know me well enough for that.” Was all Tony replied with a gentle smile. He wished he could hug the boy to give more comfort but there wouldn’t be too much time before that’s possible again. They both devolved in too excitement. May knew Peter would say yes so she hand Tony had agreed that they would move in Friday afternoon so they had the weekend to settle in. Or at least Peter did, May was suppose to have the weekend off but with the state of the world all could change at the blink of an eye. 

For instance, as fast as the productiveness came. It also left in the blink if an eye. As soon as Tony and Peter were reunited it was like a house on fire. They rarely left each other’s sides apart from necessities. As soon as Friday announced that the parkers were arriving (and that they had masks on and that they used hand gel on the way in) Tony was just pacing. He was just excited to see some actual people, as much as he wanted to leave the house, he didn’t feel too safe doing it. Some may call him idiotic, some hyper vigilant and others just sensible. With the amount of people who didn’t take it seriously he didn’t want to risk it at all. He heard the gentle whir of the elevator doors open and his head snapped towards it. A smile shining over his face, he could see both Mays and Peters matching ones as they walked in. The kid placed his bags by the door and practically threw himself at the older man, Tony letting out a small oof at the impact. Still tightening his arms just has tight and just checking the kid over for any injuries he’d hidden from Karen and May. She caught sight of it, “Tony, stop mother henning, he’s fine.” She just said it with the softest smile, she knew and understood that Tony was Peters dad and Peter was Tonys son, even if they wouldn’t admit it themselves. 

“‘M fine Tony “ Peter just mumbled out from where he was against Tonys chest, which lead to both adults laughing at the boy. 

———————————————

The productivity after that went down hill, not that anyone was complaining they were all just glad to be together and spend time together as a family. Tony had slowed down his productiveness after Peter and May joined him, he wanted to spend as much time with his family, with Peter as possible. Making up for lost time, both boys went straight to the lab after May had to leave because of her shift. They spent hours upon hours down in the ‘man cave’ as May so gracefully dubbed it months ago. She left with instructions that they both need to eat and get away from the lab. So they did, after 5 hours in the lab Tony realised the time and decided that it was time for them to leave. Within that same thought process he decided that they should cook some substantial food. Plus it would be the perfect excuse to pass down the starks famous pasta recipe to the next generation. So with a ruffle of Peters hair he managed to get the kid to leave the lab. 

“Alright” Tony said gravely, like all lights were on him “tonight you will be taught the magic of my nonas pasta, the starks famous pasta that has been passed down from generation to generation.” 

“But.. I’m not a stark?” Was all Peter could ask before Tony silenced him with a few words that he’d been mulling over since May called him out for mother henning, “But, you’re my son. It doesn’t matter if its not in the eyes of the law. You ,Peter Benjamin Parker, are my son.” It was said with such finality that there was no argument to be made at all. So all Peter could do was nod and clear his throat. 

“O-okay then, where do we start?” 

Turns out Peter was a really fast learner when it came to cooking. He was set on pasta duty while Tony was on sauce duty, after being given the instructions Peter followed them to the dot and made some fairly good pasta considering it was his first time making it. The old stark pasta maker was on the counter, original from the early 1900s and brought all the way from Italy. Some of Tony’s happiest memories stemmed from the pasta machine, the times where Maria would catch him looking completely frazzled after a rough semester at school and drag him into the kitchen to cook. “You’re a natural chef Antonio, you better open a restaurant at some point!” Maria would always say with a smile on her face, “Your children will be lucky to have you as a father.” Was something she’d often say to the boy when they were in the kitchen, he’d never believed them. Not till now. He was watching Peter use the same machine with such care it was heartwarming, the kid didn’t even know how much that machine means to him and he was still just as gentle. 

Together they made enough pasta to sink a ship but neither were complaining, not with Peters enhanced metabolism and the fact May would now come back from her shift and have a nice meal to eat. “Kid, what are we watching tonight?” Tony just called over his shoulder from the kitchen. He was having the internal debate on whether there was enough in the dishwasher to justify putting it on. 

“Can we watch Criminal Minds?” Peter just yelled from the couch where is was on the verge of a pasta coma. He had recently become hooked to the show and thought it was time to show his da- Tony. He knew the man had a soft spot for crime shows, so it might just be a perfect hit.   
“Sounds good to me kid. Fri, will you do the honours” in the end tony decided it wasn’t worth putting the dishwasher on, it would mean May wouldn’t feel obliged to wash up any plates when she came in. 

When Tony came back into the living room Peter was already sat with a blanket around him and a smile on his face. He was fully prepared to start the show again, even though he’d only watched up to the end of the second season he would rather watch it with tony. “Let’s get this show on the road shall we?” Was all that was said before the blanket was shared between them and the show began to play. 

As it turned out, Tony adored the show just as Peter had thought. He got very into it very fast. With the two of them both engrossed time flew by like it was nothing, Tony would constantly create little theories during the show, “Pete, he’s the unsub i swear. It makes so much sense” and “What’s he doing, kid seriously, Gideon seems like he needs some more help.” They would always leave Peter giggling next to him or adding some more too it as well. He would try and hold himself back but Tony was shockingly bad at guessing who the unsub was. 

They had managed to watch a good few episodes before Tony noticed Peter leaning into his side,”hey kid? You okay?” All he heard was Peter humming, he let the episode come to an end before turning it off. He learnt that if you were to turn it off before the end of the show or film Peter would wake up and insist he wasnt tired at all and force himself awake to finish it. It wasn’t the healthiest thing for the teen to do but he wanted to feel involved and Tony didnt mind leaving it on. He and Peter ended up staying on the couch, he didnt want to disturb the teen and he really didnt want to move either. 

——————————————————

The next few days followed a similar routine, Tony and Peter would both spend the first part of the day doing their respective work. Peter on his zoom classes in either his bedroom or in Tony’s office if he was feeling lonely that day. Tony either worked down in his workshop or his office on general SI admin. The admin wasnt as fun as the first month of quarantine was, he had less ideas to create, plan and develop,so he would try and procrastinate as much as he could. The days that Peter worked with him in the office were his most productive, he wanted to set an example for Peter. Even if he couldn’t have influenced the kid growing up he wanted to do a good now. After they had both finished working for the day they’d either go to the lab and work on suit upgrades or just generally mess around with ideas. On other days they’d both go to the living room and carry on watching Criminal minds. They had flown through the show and were now on season three. 

“You know what?” Peter had said as they were in the kitchen one day, “ you remind me of Rossi” he finished. 

“What makes you think that?”

“First off, you’re both Italian in some sense. Secondly, you both make amazing pasta. And thirdl- nope that’s it.” He wanted to add ‘you both act like father figures’ but he thought it might be a little strange to say out loud. Even after their previous conversation he still didn’t know if he could bring it up. 

Tony noticed his hesitation but decided not to push, so chuckling he replied,” So your basing it primarily on the fact we both have Italian blood?” 

Peter just nodded and giggled. His face turning red. Tony just nodded along thinking, “ so if I’m Rossi that means you have to relate to at least one character on the show too?” Peter just nodded looking mildly concerned.

“That means kid, your our very own Spencer Reid. Firstly, you’re so young, practically a baby” Tony went and ruffled the boys hair to push his point. “Secondly, you’re a little genius. And my third point is, you both spew facts about things you love when ever you can. My fourth point is that you’re like a son to me.” He finished simply. Peter was just sat there in awe, he decided that he should just say it out loud. 

“You’re like a father to me Tony” he said as simply as Tony did, with a little smile on his face he saw said mans face light up. He walked over again to where Peter was sat and just hugged him. Whispering a thank you into his hair. 

A couple of weeks later, Tony and Peter still had their little joke going between them. May had just learnt to ignore it, she knew to some extent what they were on about since she had walked in on them watching a few episodes but she was really just clueless. After one long day for Peter he ended knee deep in Criminal Minds tik tok. He was scrolling when he found a meme that left him cackling. It was of Rossi running with a fork with the caption “eat pasta, run fasta”. With a plan in mind, considering it was pasta night. They had started up pasta night durning the second week they were all living together.May had to work again so it was just Tony, Peter and the pasta machine. Peter was again on pasta duty and after cutting all the strips he grabbed the shortest one and threw it at Tony saying “I dub thee pasta king, with his pasta kingdom! And by this i am please asking if Friday nights can be pasta night?” He finished with a smile that would break hearts. Tony was cackling at this rate and agreed only if Peter would stop throwing raw pasta at him. 

Peter walked into the kitchen and saw all the ingredients out for their normal pasta. Tony was getting the pot they needed from the cabinet. They made dinner as normal and Tony asked Peter how the sauce was, “it tastes great. But you see the real question is. Eat pasta, fly fasta?” And Peter just carried on eating like nothing happened. Tony was just left in utter confusion and shock. Unluckily for him. It’s kept on happening. 

The second time they were in the lab, they were both working on one of the iron man suits. They were just throwing around ideas on making it even more streamline Tony should have expected Peters response but low and behold, he didnt. So when the kid replied with “eat pasta, fly fasta?” He just started to chuckle and ruffle the kids hair. They both carried on like nothing happened, the older man still had no idea what Peter was on about but it equally funny and confusing. 

The third time was when Peter was utterly shattered one night and he and Tony were watching Criminal Minds. When Peter was that tired he tended to cling onto anyone, more recently his father figure. Tony didnt at all mind. They were just reaching the end of season 7 episode 2 when Peter mumbled,from where he was almost asleep against Tony’s chest, “See, eat pasta, fly fasta” he said as he was just slipping to sleep. All Tony could reply was, “Sure boy wonder, sure” with a chuckle. He wouldn’t always understand what his kid was on about but he would always be in awe of his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this fic. The meme i was talking about actually exists, I found it a couple of nights ago. It was made by @rossis_linguine on tik tok and honestly i love it so much. Anyways, i hope you enjoyed this sleep deprived induced fic. Feel free to leave some comments, I always love reading them :) stay safe right now everyone !!


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